Recognizing the Role of Suffering in our Maturity

“Maturity is about reaching one’s God-given potential.”

Jim Wilder, Living From The Heart Jesus Gave You

For many years I tried to ignore the possibility that I had experienced Type A trauma. At the time, I didn’t even know what that meant. I simply assumed that whatever struggles I experienced were my own fault—something I should just overcome through willpower or better behavior.

For a long time, I was very good at building what looked like a strong life on the outside.

Jesus described this kind of situation in the parable of the two builders. One man builds his house on the sand, the other builds his house on the rock.

For years my life looked like a well-built house. But the foundation underneath it was not secure. Over time, when storms came—stress, trials, pressures—the weaknesses began to show. Eventually parts of the structure collapsed: my identity, my marriage, my family life, and even my financial stability.

It was only through those experiences that I began to understand what it really means to build your house on the rock.

The Reality of Suffering

The Bible speaks openly and honestly about suffering.

From Genesis to Revelation we see story after story of people wrestling with pain, trials, and difficult circumstances. Scripture does not avoid these realities—it addresses them directly.

Many biblical writers cry out to God with raw honesty, asking difficult questions about suffering, injustice, and hardship.

For me, my years of fiery experiences untethered me from self-reliance which opened my eyes to a more correct view of God and an experiential understanding of what it may mean to “share in the suffering of Christ.” With this, I began to experience glimpses of the freedom that is available to me to live in His Kingdom vs. living in the world of self reliance and my control.

Trials and Spiritual Growth

James writes:

Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith (refinement) produces endurance.

James 1

Peter writes something similar:

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of his glory you may rejoice with exultation.

1 Peter 4:12-13

These verses can feel confusing.

When we are in the middle of suffering, it often does not feel joyful.

Yet Scripture consistently teaches that suffering plays a role in forming maturity and faith. Tim Keller writes: “At the heart of why people disbelieve or believe in God, of why people decline or grow in character and maturity, of how God becomes less real or more real to us, is in suffering.”

Suffering and Our Experience of God

Tim Keller writes in Walking With God Through Pain and Suffering:

“Adversity did not merely lead people to believe in God’s existence. It pulled those who already believed into a deeper experience of God’s reality, love and grace.”

He goes on to quote C.S. Lewis:

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain.”

Suffering often becomes the place where our understanding of God moves from abstract knowledge to personal experience. In this reality, when you look closely to understand, it’s clear that one of the great themes of the Bible is how God brings fullness of joy not devoid of, but through suffering. Just as Jesus saved us because of what he endured on the cross, our own suffering can bring about transformation. And so there can be a kind of supernatural, “force-field-like”, and impenetrable joy that seems to come to us only through and in suffering.

When We Hit the Wall

Pastor and author Peter Scazzero describes seasons of suffering as moments when we hit “the wall.”

These are moments in life when our normal ways of coping stop working.

At the wall we may experience:

• discouragement
• confusion
• disappointment with God
• a sense that our faith is being tested

Yet these moments can also become turning points where our faith becomes deeper and more genuine. Click the link below to watch.

The Parable of the Sower

Jesus described something similar as you just watched, in the parable of the Sower.

Some people receive God’s word with joy, but when trouble or persecution comes, their faith fades because it never developed deep roots.

Others are distracted by the worries of life, wealth, and desires.

But some seed falls on good soil and produces a harvest.

This parable reminds us that trials reveal what our faith is rooted in.

“The farmer sows the word. Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.” 

“Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.”

Mark 4

The parable shows that trials expose the depth of our faith. The story of Job gives us a real-life example of a man whose faith was tested in ways few people have ever experienced.

What Can We Learn from Job?

The story of Job provides one of the most profound biblical reflections on suffering.

In Job 1 we see a conversation between God and Satan.

God asks:

“Have you considered my servant Job?”

Satan responds with an accusation:

“Job only loves you because you bless him. Take those blessings away and he will abandon you.”

This reveals one of the deepest temptations of the human heart: to love God only for what He gives us.

Satan’s strategy is to convince us that our faith should depend on our comfort, happiness, or success.

When those things disappear, the temptation is to turn away from God instead of toward Him.

This dynamic can even appear in marriage. Sometimes we believe we will finally be happy if our spouse changes or if our circumstances improve.

As long as we are not getting what we want in the marriage, we grow accustomed to dissatisfaction and become “Eyeore-like” in our marriage. We pray that if God would only “change” my spouse, that’s when I will be “happy” and satisfied. These are the “thorns” told in the parable of the Sower.

Try to grasp God’s view and value of suffering through Job

Part of building the “muscle of our soul”, is to recognize and embrace, God’s purpose for us in our suffering. Listen to what Tim Keller says regarding Job and his suffering that we can learn from today.

Different Views of Suffering

People often interpret suffering in different ways.

Some secular perspectives say suffering is simply random and meaningless.

Others assume that if God exists, He must be cruel or incompetent for allowing pain.

Some religious perspectives see suffering primarily as punishment for wrongdoing.

And worldly people believe: No one is in charge; there is no one good powerful God who controls anything.

But Scripture presents a different view. God does not delight in suffering, but He often uses it to shape our character and deepen our relationship with Him. But true freedom does not come from controlling circumstances. It comes from learning to trust God in the middle of them.

Why God Often Doesn’t Explain Our Suffering 

One striking feature of the story of Job is that Job never learns the reason for his suffering.

Even after his trials end, God does not explain why they happened.

Why would God allow this?

Because if we always knew the reason for our suffering beforehand, we might only follow God because we understood the outcome.

Instead, suffering becomes an invitation to trust God for who He is, not merely for what He gives.

In this way, suffering exposes a deeper question in our hearts:

Do we trust God only when life makes sense, or do we trust Him because of who He is?

This brings us back to Jesus’ words:

“Consider the ravens.” — Luke 12:24

The raven does not know where its next meal will come from.
It does not know what tomorrow will bring.
It does not understand the reasons behind the storms it flies through.

And yet, the raven continues to live.

Not because it understands everything, but because it lives under the care of God.

In a similar way, God does not always give us explanations for our suffering. But He invites us to trust that we are still living under His care—even when life does not make sense.

The freedom Jesus speaks about is not the freedom of having all the answers, but the freedom of trusting the One who does.

The story of Job shows us this supernatural permission from God that allows Satan to attempt to accomplish what Satan wants, which is to destroy us by separating us from God. Yet God uses it for Satan’s own defeat while transforming us to become freely in love with God.

Honest Lament

In Psalm 88, (written by Haman the Ezrahite) he laments:

“But I cry to you for help, Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why, Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? From my youth I have suffered and been close to death; I have borne your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken from me friend and neighbor—

“…darkness is my closest friend.”

Haman calls out how he’s feeling: Depressed, alone, weak, worthless, dark, heavy, burdened, overwhelmed, trapped, grieved, rejected, despair, in pain, suffering. He ends with “darkness is my closest friend.” That’s the end of this Psalm. No sugar coating here. 

He laments to God: you have overwhelmed me with “all of your waves”.

Why would God want an emotional response like this in his word? Wouldn’t it be more reasonable that God would want people (who are considering believing in Him or not), to read only stories revealing His offer of care, provision, safety and security? 

Here are some observations as to why:

1. Crying out to God must be OK
2. Lamenting or mourning produces honest and real engagement with God, inviting him into our pain must be good 
3. The value of suffering and standing in the fire must be incredibly valuable to God’s kingdom and to us 
4. This level of affliction must be one of the keys to experiencing God’s true riches
5. Experiencing God’s presence in the fire can produce unshakeable belief and faith even when we don’t feel God’s presence. “Why do you reject me and hide your face from me?” It must be able to drive us deeper
6. If we build our life on the things we want and to be self reliant, experiencing suffering will be pulling you away from your happiness. Resulting in suffering making you sadder and sadder, madder and madder
7. Consider however, if we build life on the opposite of self reliance, which is a free reliance on God…This can produce the action and means to “build your house on the rock” so that no matter what the storm you can’t be blown over.

One of the reasons for exploring and wrestling with who God is in our suffering, pain and trials is this: Part of our healing and transformation begins with the understanding that what the Evil one means for our destruction in this world, God can use for our good.

Without question, some of the “bad” things that happen to us come through the hands of bad people. And, as we have learned, sometimes we experience trauma from not getting the “good” things we should have. We do not want to minimize or excuse the unjust behavior of other people or the lack of love from others. Instead we want to provide you the opportunity to think about the possibility that the traumas that you have experienced, can actually backfire on Satan’s original plan to destroy you. And that there may be things you believe about yourself (I am no good, I am a failure, there is no hope for me, etc.) because of your experience that may feel true but is not. The process of healing often begins with and includes identifying those core lie-based beliefs and allowing God to reveal His truth to you. 

What Suffering Can Produce

When we wrestle with suffering honestly before God, several things can happen.

We may learn:

• that lament is allowed
• that God invites us to bring our pain to Him
• that faith can grow even when we do not understand our circumstances

Suffering may also expose areas where we have built our lives on self-reliance instead of trust in God.

If our happiness depends entirely on comfort or success, suffering can make us bitter.

But when our lives are rooted in trust in God, suffering can deepen our faith.

When Pain is Too Great

Some suffering comes through the actions of other people.

Abuse, neglect, betrayal, and injustice can cause deep wounds.

It is important not to excuse or minimize those realities.

At the same time, Scripture teaches that God can bring healing and transformation even from painful experiences.

What the enemy intends for destruction, God can use for redemption.

Healing and Truth

Part of healing involves identifying lie-based beliefs that formed during painful experiences.

Many people carry beliefs such as:

“I am worthless.”
“I am unlovable.”
“I will never be enough.”

These beliefs may feel true because of what happened to us.

But they are not the truth God speaks over our lives.

When we allow God to replace lies with truth, healing begins.

The Ripple Effect of Healing

When people begin to heal, something remarkable happens.

Healing does not stop with the individual.

It spreads.

Hurt people often hurt others.

But healed people begin to bring healing to the people around them.

As we experience transformation, our relationships—including our marriages—can begin to change as well.

Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You

The radical idea of the gospel is that we can become people who live with freedom, joy, and love regardless of circumstances.

Jesus Himself lived this way.

He calls us to live from the hearts He has given us.

As we grow in maturity, we learn to trust God not only in moments of blessing, but also in moments of suffering.

And through that journey, we begin to experience the freedom of God’s Kingdom more deeply.