Anger
Anger is an emotion that God-created in us, that when used properly, is a useful and natural response to injustice. Many of us were taught that anger is a “bad” emotion and that it is best to either not be angry or be able to exhibit control over it. Perhaps you experienced someone controlling you by the anger they held in place towards you.
The topic of anger is covered in scripture throughout both the Old and New Testaments. We read how God and Jesus are angered at injustice of all kinds.
When we are exposed to injustice, we are right to feel angry. In fact, most of the anger we experience is initially established in the context of injustice such as neglect, cruelty, or trauma’s A & B. The anger emotion is a God-given response that He designed in us. However, God has some very specific ways in which we are to handle anger.
In their book; The Process of Transformational Prayer Ministry, Ed and Joshua Smith provide a unique perspective of anger and present Five Principles regarding anger that are gleaned from these two verses:
“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
Ephesians 4:26-27
“…the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”
James 1:20
Principle One
We have been given permission to be angry: “Be angry”
Principle Two
We have been instructed not to sin in our anger: “…and yet do not sin.”
Principle Three
We have been given a time limit for holding onto our anger and instructed not to hold on to it for too long; “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”
Principle Four
When we hold on to anger, we afford the devil an opportunity: “…do not give the devil opportunity…”
Principle Five
Our anger does not accomplish God’s purposes: “…the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”
They go on to describe several characteristics of anger.
Anger tends to drown out other negative emotions.
It is very difficult to for us to feel scared, anxious, worried or depressed if we are also feeling angry. Imagine that your 3 year old son darted out into the street to retrieve a ball and you saw a car rapidly approaching him. In that fraction of a second you would feel terrified, out of control, helpless or powerless! But, after retrieving him safely what happens to those emotions? They are soon replaced with anger. None of us want to feel out of control and powerless…Anger is a much better option.
Anger offers a false sense of empowerment.
Anger makes us feel as though we are in control, making it very difficult to connect with more vulnerable emotions such as fear, anxiety, worry or stress. When we can’t connect to these emotions, we are disguising or covering them up with anger, making it nearly impossible to heal.
Anger can be elusive.
It is not uncommon for people to not “feel anything” when they are angry. At a subconscious level, anger suppresses all emotion and we end up living in denial. Suppressed anger is no better then expressed anger.
Denying one’s anger is even more prevalent when it is felt towards God. Being angry at God is often deemed as sinful and unacceptable. Many are led to believe they should stop being angry or, at the very least, deny and suppress their anger towards God.
Anger is too hot to hold on to for long.
Anger often leads to wrong decisions and sinful behaviors. It also takes a toll on our bodies physically, mentally and emotionally. It will constantly distract us.
Anger impairs our ability to hear.
If I’m angry. I don’t listen and very little that is said by others will sink in. It will destroy relationships.
Anger is an emotion that we feel outwardly, towards someone or something, and not inwardly as with all other negative emotions.
Here’s an example: I may feel angry at you, but I would never feel sad or scared or worried at you. I feel angry at you, at God, at my situation, or at myself These feelings of anger then manifest themselves in hate, rage, malice, spite, frustration, impatience, irritation and more.
This video is a great overview of anger from Ed Smith, Founder of Transformational Prayer. Click the link below.
“Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place”. Psalm 51:6
“Anger is love in motion towards a threat towards that which you love”. What am I defending? The answer is the thing your heart loves the most. It is how our brains are wired to function.
Tim Keller
In God’s case, He is angered at injustice because it hurts who He loves the most – “us”. In our case, our anger over the thing our heart loves the most, is not that clear. As we have heard, when we feel angry toward someone it is usually because the anger is accomplishing something for us such as keeping us safe, holding someone accountable, maintaining control, punishing someone or keeping us from feeling any pain. All of these reasons for being angry are supported by what we believe to be true – our belief.
For example;
“I believe if I don’t hold onto my anger at you, I will be agreeing with how you are making me feel, and in this moment, more than anything else, (what I love the most) is my protection from feeling that.”
Random person
Often, when how we feel about ourselves is threatened, or when we are triggered and begin feeling worthless, hopeless, stupid, powerless, etc. we will bubble up inside and the anger will rise up as our solution to cope with the situation. Alternatively, when we know the truth about our anger, we will discover as James the Apostle declared, “… the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God …” (James 1:20).
We can mistakenly attribute qualities from our anger that it does not actually provide. This leads us to use anger as a “solution” to many of the lie-based problems we face. For instance, we may believe that being angry keeps us safe or that staying angry at someone holds them accountable for what they have done. We may believe the lie that “As long as I’m angry, I am in control” or “My anger punishes them for hurting me.” The problem is that these statements are not true. But here is how a lie-based belief manifests itself. As long as I believe these are true statements, then it would make no sense for me to let go of my anger. I would be letting go of any perceived benefit that holding onto my anger provides me.
For Example
“If I believe my anger protects me, then it is illogical and practically impossible for me to let go of my anger since I believe that doing so would result in my being harmed.”
random person
Sometimes we deny being angry because we wrongly believe it to be bad or sinful, especially anger toward God. Yet the Bible tells us “Be angry but do not sin” (Eph. 4:26). Whether anger is obvious or not, it is still obstructive and has negative consequences.
Merely acknowledging your anger does not mean that you stop being angry. In fact, confessing it as sin has a very poor success rate when it comes to resolving it. The reason for why you are angry (the belief ) must be identified and replaced with truth. When this occurs, you will let your anger go without any hesitation. In the same way that it requires no effort to remain angry when you believe a lie, it also requires no effort to allow it to go once you know the truth. It is only there because of what you believe, and when your belief is changed, the anger will subside.
As we have discussed in our group, there are many reasons we may have initially became angry due to injustice done to us. But the sun has long since set, and we have given the devil an opportunity to offer us a lie-based reason to hold on to what we feel. And we will now likely encounter resistance or hesitancy if we attempt to act in opposition to this lie-based solution belief.
For Example
“If I believe the lie that my anger keeps me safe, I will feel hesitant even at the thought of letting go of my anger because to do so would put me in (perceived) danger.”
random person
Anger towards God indicates lie – based heart belief.
We can also become angry towards God because we misunderstand Him. And when we don’t understand His purposes, His thoughts, His motives, His plans, His heart, we can find ourselves angry at Him.
Our misinterpretation of God’s behavior is also reflective of our belief about who we are. A person who has a heart belief that says; “I am powerless to make a person stop hurting me,” may at the same time, also be angry at God because “God does not keep the person from hurting me”, therefore, he believes that “God cannot be trusted or God doesn’t love me.”
Someone might say God does not violate a person’s free will, but Scripture doesn’t agree. There are times when God intercedes for His people and clearly violates the will of evildoers; and there are times when He does not. What does it look like when God does this? The most obvious is when he kills a person or even armies. Probably, those who died would say that this was a violation of their will. Sometimes God protects and sometimes He doesn’t.
This is where our anger comes in. We expect God to make “good” choices (ones like we would make in the same situation). It makes us mad when God does not do what we think is reasonable and right. We base this upon the many passages that declare God as our protector, provider, deliverer, etc. So then, when God fails to live up to what we believe the Scriptures say about Him, we become angry.
The fact is, He does protect and provide when He chooses to and when it is the best for us. However, sometimes he apparently chooses otherwise. Nevertheless, what passes through His hands is always “for us” (Rom. 8:31) and works for our good (Rom. 8:28-29). The truth is, His ways are not our ways and he makes decisions much differently that we might make in the same situation.
God Himself declared, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts”
Isaiah 55:9
So then, there are many people who feel very angry with God because God did not do what they believed He should have done. In fairness to their perspective, it would be our moral duty to save and protect the innocent from evildoers if it were in our power to do so; whereas God always has the power and the option to intercede, but often does not choose to do so. Thus, in many cases, a person’s perspective of God’s lack of intercession may be true. However, this again is not the real reason they are angry. Anger felt toward God actually rests upon what a person believes to be the reason for God’s action or inaction.
We are not angry at God because of what He does or does not do. We are angry at Him because of our interpretation of who He is, based upon what we believe He has or has not done. We are not angry at God because He let something happen to us, we are angry because we believe that the reason He let what happened to us happen was that He doesn’t care about us, He can’t be trusted, or He is cruel.
Ed Smith
If you feel that God is unfair, unjust, unkind, uninvolved, untrustworthy, or unloving, it is likely you will also feel angry at God. As we discussed in regards to God’s view of suffering, it is true that God allows hurtful things to happen to us. In these experiences we may feel abandoned by God. But our life’s experiences do not determine God’s character and is in these moments, apparently, He wants us to be honest about our view of Him, admitting what we believe.
“But I cry to you for help, Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? From my youth I have suffered and been close to death; I have borne your terrors and am in despair. Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me. All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken from me friend and neighbor…darkness is my closest friend.”
Psalm 88
Anger as a Solution
Anger that is felt toward anyone or anything other than God is an emotion that is mistakenly believed to assist us in some way. For example, anger felt toward someone or something other than God is often used to “buffer” us from more vulnerable emotions such as fear, anxiety, helplessness, powerlessness, or feeling out of control. These are vulnerable emotions and thus are viewed as problematic. Regrettably, people often hold on to anger because they believe it protects them. Or despite their best efforts they have simply not been able to “let go” of their anger through ignorance of how it “serves” them. Too often, we try confessing, repenting, trying harder to let it go, etc. but the anger remains. This is due to the fact that we fail to understand that it is “serving” us and based upon our belief.
Anger felt toward anyone or anything other than God is always being used as a “solution” to solve a perceived problem. For instance, if we believe that being angry holds the person who hurt us accountable for what they did, or that it protects us from being hurt again, then we will likely struggle a great deal when we attempt to let our anger go.
Without our anger solution in place we would be left with the “problem” we thought had been “solved.” However, once we identify the lie-based belief supporting our anger solution we can move on to God’s truth. When the Spirit persuades us of the truth about our anger we can move on to more healing.
Sometimes we deny being angry because we wrongly believe it to be bad or sinful, especially anger toward God. Yet the Bible tells us “Be angry but do not sin” (Eph. 4:26). Whether anger is obvious or not, it is still obstructive and has negative consequences.
Anger is also unique in that we perceive it as being beneficial and want to keep it; whereas other negative emotions are typically avoided, denied, suppressed, or escaped. All of us would gladly eliminate feeling worried, anxious, fearful, hopeless, powerless, or out of control, but letting go of anger is usually much more difficult. Actually, until we are free of the lie-based belief that is behind the anger, we will not fully release it, since anger is solving a perceived problem (acting as a “solution”), and letting it go leaves the problem without a remedy.
Where does forgiveness fit into anger?
Must we forgive first before we can let go of our anger? Not at all. Actually, just the opposite is true. Our anger keeps us from forgiving and is held in place by the lies we believe about the perceived benefits of holding onto our anger.
For example, if we believe that letting go of our anger would mean that the person gets away with what they did, then we will not release it. If we believe that our anger is holding them accountable, then to let it go would mean that justice would not be served. If we believe that letting go of our anger means that the person might hurt us again, then letting go would mean that we would not be protected.
What if you can’t forgive yourself?
The same applies. What is it that you believe about what you have done or who you are that makes you believe you are not worthy of self-forgiveness? Lies such as these keep us from forgiving! However, when we know the truth, forgiveness will follow naturally and without effort.
Last week in one of our groups, Graham Cooke was mentioned as a fantastic resource for teaching about how God sees us. Take a few minutes to close your eyes and listen to what Graham has to say about being “upset with yourself.”
Forgiveness requires more than an act of the will. The idea that forgiveness is an act of the will coupled with obedience to the truth, suggests that it can be achieved through willpower and determination.
Consider that forgiveness from the heart is not about willpower, determination, or even obedience. Rather, forgiveness is the natural outcome of our own freedom that comes from knowing the truth within our hearts. Another way of saying this might be: forgiveness is not something that we do, but a natural and expected outcome of what we have been given.
Ed Smith
When the Spirit persuades us of His truth, the lie-based beliefs that kept us from forgiving others and ourselves will be cast out and replaced with His perspective. When His light of truth shines in our hearts, we will without effort release the debts of those who have hurt us. Forgiveness from the heart is not about willpower, determination, or even obedience. Rather, forgiveness is the natural outcome of our own freedom that comes from knowing the truth within our hearts. When we are able to view the person and their offenses through the eyes of truth, compassion will arise and forgiveness will naturally follow. Efforts to forgive without knowing the truth will be a struggle, and genuine release will be unlikely to come about.
Smith, Ed & Joshua, The Process of TPM, 2019, New Creation Publishing, SC 29680
We find lasting freedom, experience true compassion, and the ability to forgive when we view the person and the debts owed us from God’s perspective, through heart-felt belief.
God accomplishes this in us in the same manner that He demonstrates the fruits of the Spirit through us: He brings it about by the supernatural work of the Spirit. It is not something we can accomplish on our own.
Forgiveness is not an act of the will accomplished by strong determination or willpower, but rather the expected outcome of believing the truth with the heart. Jesus taught His disciples to forgive from the heart. However, heart-belief is not something that we just decide to have, but is only bestowed upon us by the Spirit as He persuades us of His truth.
We cannot “do the fruit,” but we can bear it. In similar fashion, we cannot “do forgiveness,” but when the Spirit releases us from our own lie-based bondage, we are free to release others from the debts they owe us.”
Forgiveness is a natural and expected outcome of viewing the person who has offended and the remaining “debt” through the eyes of truth. When we are able to view the person and their offenses through the eyes of truth, compassion will arise and forgiveness will naturally follow. Efforts to forgive without knowing the truth will be a struggle, and genuine release will not likely come about.
The Healing of Anger.
In Tim Keller’s teaching on anger, he approaches the topic from a different perspective and context than Ed Smith. What is amazing as you listen, is you will hear different language and thinking regarding anger…where it comes from and how to heal from anger. Tim talks about how not being angry ever is a sin and further discusses the idea of “Be slow to anger…” This is an audio youtube only.
Consider the Raven 